Duck oil diet

[RED PRED]

Now that we have established the diameter of the appendage required to pass duck oil at a flow rate of 106 gallons a minute, what are the dietary requirements to produce such quantities of high quality duck oil .

[catmandoes]

For those new to this conversation, it originates from Yellow Perils excellent and educational post about how Duck oil is produced.

http://www.berkshirequadtrails.org/QuadForum/showthread.php?t=260&page=4


Maybe we should start a Duck oil factory.

[WELLZY]

count me out on that one!!:rolleyes::D:p:D

[RED PRED]

Wellzy, seeing you are still at school, you cloud be our chief chemist LOL

[WELLZY]

I'M NOT PLAYING WITH DUCKS!! OR THERE OIL!!:D:p:D:p

[RED PRED]

The reason the full moon gets the duck into its delivery cycle is purely coincidental, it takes a lunar month to charge the ducks in built storage tanks with 459,000 gallons of the oil, there is a pressure sensing hymen at the tip of the ducks uretha that opens to discharge the oil at a pressure of 100mbar and flow rate of 106 gallons a minute .
This discharge usually lasts for three days after which the duck starts the cycle again, it must consume plankton constantly for the whole period leading up to discharge day .
Discharge day is extremely hazardous, the oil itself is very flammable and because of the natural static electricity that builds up around the ducks uretha a continuity bond must be installed from the ring at the tip of the uretha to an earth bond, once this procedure was neglected and the duck exploded into a fireball so collosal that only the great Red Adaire could extinguish it, at the time he was busy putting out the fires in the oil fields of Iraq in the first Gulf War but the duck oil duck explosion was of such a catastrophic environmental that he was forced to attend the duck incident .
Another interesting fact about the duck oil duck is that during discharge the temperature of the appendage reaches 150 degrees C due the the friction of the flow rate of the oil, it has a built in water cooling jacket .

[WELLZY]

Great Ducks Of Fury!!:d:d

[Jagd-Quad]

Does anyone know if there are Vintages in Duck Oil like wine???
I was just thinking that as it is moon related if it was cloudey for aperiod the quality of the Duck Oil may not be as good as say after a clear period.

I think I have a 1/2 can of 1997 some where in the shed! Is it worth putting on E-Bay yet????:D

[yellow peril]

The diet of those special ducks that produce duck oil eat only fruit if I remember correctly, it was my great great great great uncle Bob (yes he was very old) that told me all about these ducks, they eat the fruit from the Hubba Hubba plant, which is a basically a small tree come bush kind of plant that produces the most colourfull fruit you have ever seen, they are a bright blue with orange flecks on them and the size of golf balls filled with juicy flesh which has a very strong sour taste yet leaves a sweet after taste in your mouth, humans can't eat more than one of them otherwise you suffer with uncontrolable bowel problems, also known as "The Trotts" for 2-3 weeks so you soon learn your lesson if you do eat more than one!! These fruits are named Thosser berries pronounced(Tos - s s- err), the ducks feed on these each day exept for two days before the full moon and the three days while producing there oil, the berries have all the nutritional value the ducks could ever wish for and the berries are the reason the ducks can produce such good quality oil, without the berries we would have no duck oil and where would we be then, up the creek without a paddle I think.

[RED PRED]

its surprising how many varieties of duck oil duck there are, i only know of the plankton eating species, jagd know another type .
another interesting fact is that there are different types of duck oil, its like olive oil, you get extra virgin where the duck has never been f**ked, virgin where the duck has only had foreplay and non virgin where the duck is a complete tart .

[catmandoes]

Im sure that by now we have established ourselves as centre of excellence for all things related to Duck Oil.

My question is how happy are the ducks ? Is the duck oil industry sensitive tio the needs and indeed rights of the duck species.

My second question is what species of Duck are used in the Duck oil industry ?


I found this picture, is this a typical oil duck ?

[RED PRED]

The duck pictured is in fact a by-product of the oil produced by said duck .
The whole duck oil industry is the biggest threat to the natural environment, the oil has an extremely volatile nature and will ignite at very low temperatures, the discharge procedure is potentially the biggest known hazard to life on earth, if the oil comes into contact with Marmite then the combined atomic structure of the oil has a power equal to a 100 megaton bomb, per cubic centimetre .
The ducks are often out on strike along with their (counterparts at the royal mail) because of their working conditions, if the hands that milk them are not at body temperature then the ducks appendages become brittle and snap off .

[RED PRED]

Disaster guys, coming home at about midnight last night I came across a road diversion, being a naturally curious type (nosey git), I parked up and wandered back to the scene of an incident, it was horrendous, there was the smell of gas everywhere and gas engineers frantically trying to repair the broken gas main .
What happened was that a duck oil duck had had a collision with the 23.32hrs boeing 747 outer mongolian airlines flight from shetland airport en route to the scilly ilses, the duck was flying along at 4 foot above sea level when it struck the starboard wing of the 747 and began its headlong descent to the ground, luckily the 747 only suffered an abrasion of the turtle wax coating on the leading edge de-icing system and did lose 3 foot of altitude but carried on with its journey, luckily none of the one and a half passengers was hurt .
The duck upon hitting the ground slowly started a premature oil discharge which created a 100 foot radius crater in the road which was so deep that it went through the gas main and is now half a mile below the surface, engineers are constantly spraying WD40 onto the area in an attempt to stop further erosion .
It was reported on jackanory last night that this duck was one of 3 left in the world, it was a male duck and the other two are lesbians so if this duck dies then the species will be wiped out, the producers of WD40 were photographed by the paparazzi last night in the local casualty ward with burnt hands, apparently they were rubbing their hands together at an extremely fast rate and the resultant friction burns had set off smoke alarms in the houses of parliament which had caused an adjournment of prime ministers question time, so i imagine david dimbleby is not too happy with the duck oil duck .

[Jagd-Quad]

URGENT NEWS!!!!
Searched high and low at WESTON todday for Duck Oil!!! Same storey at every stall, WD 40 have bought, begged borrowd or nicked the lot and kidnapped all the ducks and are intending to hold the world to ransom!!

What are we going to do with no DUCK OIL??????

Looks like my half tin in the shed has just gone up in value BIG TIME!!!
Off down the bank to make a quick deposit in the night safe just in case those nasty WD 40 types are on the prowl!!!!!!!!!
Never know might make enough with it on e-bay to at least buy a picture of a Polaris!! (HA HA HA):p:confused::cool:

[RED PRED]

and waht a good choice of picture that would be .
Did you know that during filming of the film Alien, they used duck oil in the scene where the liquid stuff ate through the floors of the space ship, it was a mixture of duck oil and tate and lyle golden syrup .

[RED PRED]

As i said previously, the duck oil duck is doomed to extinction anyway, there is one injured male and two lesbian females left, even if there were more ducks it would still be a bleak outlook as the duck oil duck sperm count is very poor, in every 50 million sperm ejaculation, only one can actually swim, and that one has a total swim distance of three quarters the distance to the egg to be fertilised, the sperm has a flap attached to its anus that acts like a parachute when it swims, it is a genetic mutation caused by the high temperatures during discharge period, so the resulting drag caused by the anuflap prevents fertilisation of the egg .
The makers of WD40 are eagerly awaitning the extinction of the duck oil duck, the shares in the company will rocket and the world economy will be given a greatly needed boost, also greenpeace are excited about the extinction because the world will be a safer place and whales will thrive in the gobi desert once more .

[RED PRED]

i was at work yesterday when there was an almighty bang on the window, a bird had flown straight at it and made me jump out of my skin, guess what bird it was .

[RED PRED]

Bloody pigeons LOL

[NJK]

I tried to give you some advice about WD40 and Duck Oil and look what happend.

[RED PRED]

an what good advice it was, just goes to show that behind every product there are many complications and details to consider .
The duck oil business will soon fold unless the two female lesbian ducks go straight, which i dont believe will happen as they are absolutely smitten with each other and i hear they are having a civil partnership marriage at christmas .
They are adopting a baby otter from the local brewery .
The low flying duck that had the crash with the 747 has taken a turn for the worse, the doctors found a ruptured malteser in its bicentenary flange the other day and tried to remove it but all the honeycomb centre came out and infected the ouzo tube that discharges the oil to the anuflap area, it now looks likely that the duck will produce no more oil so they will probably drain it last store of oil and sell it as a limited special edition complete with internal body parts .
WD40 last night were said to be very pleased with the latest development, the WD40 producing frogs have resolved their bitter dispute with their trade union and are back in full production, details of which may appear at a later date .

[RED PRED]

since using Wd40 on my quad, i have noticed a jelly like substance on the sprayed surface, there appears to be a small black thing inside the substance which moves about and is actually growing, has anyone else experienced this and what can i do .

[Jagd-Quad]

I understand from the pigeons that there has been a DEVLOPMENT!!!

The Lesbian Ducks Oil Ducks have had a meeting with the WD 40 Frogs and decided that they are going to hybradise via a genetic mutation sexual process in a bid to produce a super product called "WDuck 40 Oil" in a bid to take over the lubrication needs of the world.

It is beleived that this new product can also be used as fuel!!! look out for "WDuck 40 Oil" Quads at the dealers soon!!

The only sticking point if you will excuse the pun is the frogs want an extra "Dirty Conditions" payment for working with the ducks who have been their mortal enemy's since time began!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[RED PRED]

Like the Wduck 40, excellent, problem is that this theory has been debated and cancelled by the readers of `alternative lovers and oil barons weekly` who suggested that combining the two ducks, who are against globalisation of lubricational products with frogs who get hopping mad over a reduction of 10 seconds off their spawning period, would result in an industry imploding up its own anuflap .
The frogs want total control over production and are not willing to merge with the ducks .

[Jagd-Quad]

:confused::confused::confused::confused:
Looks like my stool pigeon is out of date again!

TADPOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RED PRED]

I was in a shop the other day that sold Duck Oil .